expectations for a graduate that lives at home?

[AmyinWI]

my oldest one at home is 17yo, and just graduated. She is working part time, and taking online college classes. She will turn 18yo at the end of this month,and as far as I know, she has no desire to move out until she gets her degree (and hopefully a fulltime job).

I'm just trying to figure out what are reasonable expectations for her while living at home?
she does help do regular chores in the morning, just like the rest.. she cooks an occasional meal. She willingly helps me with the little kids if I have to run out to the store, etc.

But she also spends a lot of time in her room,whether it's studying,drawing, watching tv, etc. that bothers me a bit,as she is kind of a recluse.
But yet for studying/homework she needs quiet ,alone time,too.

Just wondering what is a good balance?

[Colleen OH]

I have an 18 year old son and 20 year old dd at home. My 21 year old son moved out when he got married at 19.

My 20yodd cleans, cooks, babysits as needed, takes her turn dressing chickens, helps as needed otherwise. She get paid a little and all her expenses are paid by us. She does some volunteer work and does a little bit of Amish hauling (takes people places). Basically you could say she works for us full time.

My 18 yods does some animal feeding, haymaking, and whatever odd jobs there are to do on the farm. He doesn't help in the house much, but he will watch his younger brothers as needed. He uses our computer and equipment as he buys and sells trucks and parts on the side. We likewise pay him a little and his expenses. While he is not getting rich with what we pay him, he has virtually NO expenses other than what he puts into his own business and what he wants to spend doing fun stuff with his friends or whatever.

[KarenF]

I don't have a child that age, but I was the 17 yo living at home after graduation for all but 1 semester of my college career. I went to school full time, worked part-time. I was expected to respect their rules, go to school, work, pay for school, car payments & insurance, my own clothes, etc. My parents gave me a roof over my head and food in belly- as long as I was working and going to school full time they said I was welcome to stay. I helped with home chores, cooked some, did laundry, etc.

[Marcia]

My son will be 19 next month. He works and goes to school (community college). He worked full time this summer, but since school started, he is working part time. He pays for his cell phone, car insurance, and all his gas. He also pays for all his personal activities. We did help pay for most of his schooling.

He helps around the house when I ask him to, but I don't have a list of regular chores for him, like I did when he was younger. He keeps his room clean (kind of ;) ).

He interacts with the family, but he also spends more time away from us now that he is older.

[Tricia in TX]

Bryce still lives at home. He didn't graduate till he was almost 19. He has a late summer birthday, so we didn't start K till he was 6. We could easily have sped up his schoolwork in the upper grades, but here they have Duel Credit. As long as he's a 'high schooler' he can take college classes tuition free at the local community college. He was technically a high schooler the last 2 years of high school, but in reality, he was taking all of his classes at the CC.

This made the transition a bit smoother and longer. We've told our children that they can live at home and we will help them as much as we can with school and we pay their car insurance while they're in school (they pay in the summer of if they are not taking classes)

They buy all their clothes, pay for the gas and maintenance of their cars, etc.
Honestly, because both of my boys are SO busy right now taking classes at CC and working I have taken much of the daily, household chores off their lists. It's just too much.

I do think it would bother me though if my college kid had a ton of free time and just kinda lolled around. I mean, I know some down time or social time is necessarily, but I'd want to see them busy either working or doing school.

One other thing. My dh has told our kids that once they graduate, if they are in school they can stay at home as long as they like, but if they are not in school they must pay rent. It's nominal really, they couldn't rent anywhere else for that price, but dh really thinks that it's important. Bryce took a semester off between his graduation and when he started Fire Academy to work and dh made him pay $85 a month during that time.

[Tricia in TX]

One other thing. Bryce no longer has a curfew. He comes and goes as he pleases pretty much. But because he is working and schooling so much, he does not tend to stay out on the weeknights.

We did have to come to an understanding though about courtesy. While he's not required to ask permission or tell me where he is, it's a courtesy that you should offer to anyone you live with.

There have been times where he's crashed at a buddies house on a weekend after a late night movie. This is fine. This was at the other kids house and he lives with his parents that I know. No big deal. But when you wake up and find your kids has not been home that night you kinda freak! :eek: No matter how old they are!

I told him if he is not going to make it home, I would like him to text me. My phone is turned off at night so he won't wake me up, but it will be there in the morning so if he's not home, I won't wonder if his car ran off into a ditch somewhere!

Since then he's been really good about telling me of he's going to not come home one evening after work or school, or if he's going to spend the night at a buddies, etc.

[CJ]

We have our first senior this year and like Tricia, we have told her if she is in school post-high school, she does not have to pay rent. If she does not choose to do any schooling past high school and just gets a job or doesn't get a job. She will be charged rent.

Both my dh and I moved out within 3 months after graduation, attending college and lived on our own for a few years before we met and married. We feel it would be a disservice to our children to coddle them in such a challenging and difficult world so our goal is to find the balance, to support their good choices and not try to prevent or interfere with real world consequences they bring upon them. They already do their own laundry so that will continue, obviously.

My husband has already told the kids they have to pay their car insurance as soon as they get their license. When they complete their high school requirements, they earn a choice of $1000, a used car, or a trip somewhere we both agree on. After graduation, if they continue to live with us, they will be responsible for their own personal items - clothing, shampoo, mini-fridge (this is a running family joke). If they choose to eat our food, then they will have KP duty as well. When they live on their own, I won't be doing their laundry or cooking their meals, cleaning their house so I won't be doing those things after they graduate in order to show them what it's like to be an adult and have the privileges and responsibilities of being an adult even if they still live at home.

Like Tricia also said, I learned from living with my in-laws (for a few transition months after marriage) that you should always tell a house mate if you're not coming home or coming home very late. Is a simple courtesy and kindness.

[Robin in KS]

My dd is 19 and still at home with us. She is working part time as a teller at our local bank and she is earning college credits by CLEP testing. We have told her she is welcome to stay home until she finishes her degree. We don't have a curfew or care what she does or where she goes as long as she gives us some idea what time she will be home and if she's gonna be really late she lets us know.
She pays for half of her college, all of her car insurance, gas and repairs. She also buys most of her bathroom stuff and clothing. She is very helpful around the house and with driving her sister and brother around or going to the store, etc. She plays piano and guitar in our church worship band and sub teaches Sunday school. We are happy to have her here.

[Rachel Jane]

I don't have a graduate, but I lived at home off and on during my college years.
I went to school full time.
I worked part time.
I cooked a few meals a week which was planned ahead of time.
I was responsible for transportation, my own laundry, my bedroom, the kitchen if I used it and the bathroom.
When I was between part time jobs, my parents paid me to clean the house.
Any rent I paid to them was saved and then given back to me when I graduated.