Does your SN child get depressed?

[KathleenM]

I'm concerned about my 9yo dyslexic son, and I'm not sure if depression is what we are dealing with. He gets mopey at school time, slumps in his seat, procrastinates, goofs off, and defies me at every turn. His problems extend beyond school, and it is not uncommon for him to hang out at the table long after everyone else is done eating and pick at his food. It is a major chore to get him dressed and ready in the morning, because every time I turn around he is off doing something other than what he was told to do.

I am trying so hard to be cheerful and upbeat with him. I know he has a lot to overcome, and that we have to go step at a time. But he is more work and frustration for me than both of my daughters combined!

Have you dealt with this kind of thing? Any ideas for keeping things positive and keeping him on track more?

[TonyaP]

I think the age has a lot to do with it. My just turned 9 y.o. has always understood his limitations, but he is now more aware that others don't face the same issues. Helping him to deal with the situation has been a major ongoing project for me from the day I found out. When he was younger we started with the "you are special/God made you just the way he intended" type books, etc. and have continued with that theme.

Now that he's older, he can see things like a cheesecake and know that he can never even taste it but others can and it makes him sad. We spend a lot of time talking about what he does have, how things have gotten better over time and how God sets some people apart for specific tasks. There are plenty of situaitons in the Bible where God's servants had to suffer in order to achieve a higher purpose and I tend to share those with DS when he is down.

As far as struggling during school, he probably is a little self-conscious. I know my DS (who still isn't a quick reader) doesn't like to do some of the work because he wants to "get it right" and doesn't on the first try. He's at that age where he doesn't want to have to be helped, but we are moving forward into more difficult subjects.

I've been around two 9 year-old boys now and based on that limited experience- they are just spacey! My nephew was 9 when he stayed with us for a while and he couldn't remember to put the shower curtain inside the shower. After he flooded the bathroom 3 or 4 times I had to restrict the poor kid to baths only. He would forget the simplest tasks and get distracted in the middle of whatever he was doing. It was like his brain completely turned off for a few years. I've noticed in the past few months the same thing happening to DS. If I hadn't witnessed it before I'd think there was something seriously wrong with him. :eek:

So anyway, there you have it- it's probably a combination of his age and his situaiton. If he's not brought up the subject I'm not sure how I'd address it, DS gives me an opening by saying "I wish..." KWIM?

[KathleenM]

Thanks Tonya. What you say makes a lot of sense. Right after I posted this, he came and talked to me, and was all cheerful and chatty. It made me wonder if I'd overreacted when I wrote my first post. Then sure enough, it takes him forever to eat dinner, and we have to get him up from the table before he's done so that he can go to scouts. Trust me, he was given more than enough time to eat his dinner. :eyes:

I think he understands that he has some tough learning problems to overcome, and he's bummed about it. He still has certain interests that he just loves, and make him happy when he pursues them. I just don't know how we can make some of the stuff he has to do more fun and less drudgery. Dyslexics don't learn to read intuitively, they need clearly spelled out steps and lots of practice.

I'm hoping that Christmas break will do us all some good. :)

[Cate OH]

I'm concerned about my 9yo dyslexic son, and I'm not sure if depression is what we are dealing with. He gets mopey at school time, slumps in his seat, procrastinates, goofs off, and defies me at every turn. His problems extend beyond school, and it is not uncommon for him to hang out at the table long after everyone else is done eating and pick at his food. It is a major chore to get him dressed and ready in the morning, because every time I turn around he is off doing something other than what he was told to do.

I am trying so hard to be cheerful and upbeat with him. I know he has a lot to overcome, and that we have to go step at a time. But he is more work and frustration for me than both of my daughters combined!

Have you dealt with this kind of thing? Any ideas for keeping things positive and keeping him on track more?

This is my 9yo dyslexic son also!
It is so hard trying to figure out what is going on inside that little head. There are days when I feel helpless and I'm sure he is having similar feelings. Smiling and acting perky is hard when you feel like your head may explode!
Hugs to you! :group: We have a long road ahead...

[Esther-Alabama]

I have a ten yr old dyslexic son who was exactly like that last year, except for the eating part!! He wolfs his food down and asks when the next meal is coming! That is just him, though!!

He understands that he has dyslexia and he understands that he learns differently, so there are times he is down on himself still.

HOWEVER, he has turned a corner in the last 3-4 months! He is upbeat and cheerful about schoolwork and he is happy to sit and do it, even when he makes mistakes. New math lessons used to send us over the edge, but now, he says he realizes having a good attitude about it helps a lot! WOW!! All that preaching (I mean, encouraging!!) sunk in!

Just wanted to encourage you a bit. It IS hard and he still has his moments, but I am so thankful we seem to be through the sulky stage. :clap:

[KathleenM]

Sigh... just lost a long reply to a "syntex error". :p :angry:

Thank you ladies. :)

We are in vision therapy right now, and really plugging away at that homework. I am hoping that in a few months we will start to see a real payoff in his school work. I am trying not to push too hard on the academics right now, but always second guessing myself about whether I am doing what he needs me to be doing for him. We try to encourage him that God has a plan for his life, and that he will be equipped for whatever he does in life. We are frank with him about the dyslexia. He knows he's different. :(

[Claire in IN]

Hi, Kathleen,
I don't post much these days as we have moved on into High School, but I had to reply to you because our youngest Daniel is dyslexic, also.

He is in 9th grade now, but the stress of his first 5 years of school almost drove me insane.

Things have improved some now as far as his stress level for school, but he was often like you describe and grumpy, sometimes beligerent and hateful. It was awful. One day he was able to explain to me, through his tears that it was so hard to do school that he woke each day dreading the thought.:eek::sad: That just broke my heart.

We have since tried different approaches to school.

We tried a school for Dslexic kids. That was a total bust! Imagine kids that have been kicked around from Public school for years all lumped in one school. They were a sea of bullies.

We have moved into Abeka video for HS. Not something I would have ever picked but Daniel is able to move through the classes by himself. He feels impowered and in control for the first time.

We also use a Victor Reader for his textbooks from Recordings for the Blind and Dyslexic.

I'm not saying it is as easy as other kids his age. He still struggles and only reads at a 4th grade level after 7 years of therapy (we are currently using Dianne Crafts methods and have met with her for a custom plan). I am happy he can read at that level because he is so severe the psychologist told us he might not learn to read at all :sad:

Daniel knows God has a plan for him that will probably be different than any of us would have thought.

It is just plain hard, for them, for us and for the family as others who are younger can read better.

Prayers your way and if I can be of any help ask away.

Merry Christmas!

Claire in IN