How do you decide when testing is a good idea?

[Marcygirl]

I have suspected for quite some time that Ben has ADHD (or something that looks similar). I have balked at having him tested because in my mind, I wouldn't put him on medication, so why bother with the label? Well, what if medication would be the best thing for him? Or what if it's not ADHD, but something worse and we missed it because we didn't have him tested? What if there is absolutely nothing wrong with him and it's all parenting and not so good marriage related?

At what point do you bite the bullet and ask for help? I think I (we) may be there. Money is not an issue. We have great health insurance that would pay for most of everything. I'm sure we have good practioners in our city. I think maybe I'm just scared they'll tell me it's me, us. That Ben would be just fine, if we were.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here. Advice? Empathy? Prayer? A good kick in the backside? Whatever you've got, let me have it. Please.

[tracy]

I decided to test when I realized a label would be better for the child and not for me. When I took me out of the equation is when I decided. Does that make sense?

Both my dds have been through hours of testing in areas that I suspected was the issue.

My 10dd underwent testing for Autism and Asperger Sydrome. The findings were positive and my dd is thriving 100% knowing her diagnose. She now has tools to help her.

My 14 dd underwent a battery of tests when she was 12 to determine if she had a learning disability. The finding was negative, however my dd knew that it must be something else. But the matter was laid to rest until this past July when I met Helen Irlen at a home school conference. She now wears tinted lenses. My dd loves them and feels 100% that this is the answer. She is now a straight A student and not struggling.

My 9 ds began Speech Therapy 4 weeks ago after coming to me upset over the fact his football teammates and coaches could not understand him. I had been thinking about having him assessed because he struggled with "r", and "sh". With his prompting off we went for an evaluation. He is doing beautifully. He works very hard.

In addition, I have discussed with my 9ds the possibility of him having ADHD. But before we do an evaluation, he and I are working on a diet free from additives and dyes. Following a form of the Feingold diet.

Oops I got lengthy in my response. Bottom line, I sought a diagnose when I knew it would benefit my child and lift her/his self esteem knowing what was going on with them.

:group:

[Rachel Jane]

http://www.amazon.com/D-D-Book-Understandings-Approaches-Parenting/dp/0316778737

This book has sections on when to test, when to medicate, ways to help (memory tricks), nutrition, etc...
perhaps your library has it.

[Katherine in CA]

Hi, Marcy! :hi: Nice to 'see' you 'up and around' this morning. Hope you're recovering quickly.

I read your question earlier this morning and have spent some time pondering your situation . . . and I had a few questions for you. Is this something you've been wondering about for more than 6 months, or did things sort of spike while Ben was being cared for by someone other than you? I'm just wondering if it's based on your longer-term observations or spurred by someone else approaching you with the possibility. :unsure:

Judging by what I've gathered by your posts, blog, and cyber-chats, I would first encourage you that your little Ben is SO bright and so advanced in all areas -- emotionally, socially, academically, physically, etc. Not to compare, but when considering just what he's accomplished and the level of academics and outside activities he's mastering, I'd say that he's very advanced and doing very well. He's way ahead of both of my kids at that age, in terms of competency and ability in the academic-learning environment.

IMHO, young boys equal movement. The traditional school environment or the school-at-home approach often pegs boys as being hyperactive, simply because they need to move.

Short periods of sit-down work, like 10 to 15 minutes, interspersed with large-muscle movement is what I'd recommend, based on the studies of people like Raymond and Dorothy Moore ("Better Late Than Early"), Ruth Beechick, Charlotte Mason, etc. Dr. Moore recommended that young boys (our sons' ages) don't even belong sitting down with paper and pencil.

The book, "Is This Your Child?" by Dr. Doris Rapp might also be helpful in determining whether you can see correlations between food and mood or behavior.

Ritalin or other drugs, imho, should be the last resort, after trying to alter the learning environment, manipulate the diet, adding supplements, etc.

Hang in there! You're doing a fabulous job with your little knight! ;) :group:

[KristenS]

Another good resource, given that Ben really is so bright, is "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis..." the rest of the title is like "of gifted children and adults" or something like that. Anyway, it compares gifted behaviors and quirks with a whole lot of other diagnoses, like ADD, and gives some pretty good examples of how to differentiate between the two. And when you've got a case of both happening at once.

I borrowed a copy, and have been meaning to buy one... it's available used on Amazon. I think it's out of print. It is an EXCELLENT read.

ETA: If you think he might be ADHD, try some of the coping strategies that ADD books recommend (for organizing and burning off energy and all). They're good for all folks, not just those with 'real' diagnoses. It couldn't hurt, while you figure out which way to go next.

[Marcygirl]

Kathy...it's probably a little of both. I've thought for quite some time that ADHD is possibility. But yes, other folks observations play into as well.

For example, I tried Ben in an enrichment program this fall. There were 4 classes, 2 were music and drama, in which he did fine, and the other 2, art and science, which were apparently a disaster. He would/could not sit still, pay attention, was disruptive, would not obey the parent volunteer when she repeatedly asked him to sit still, stop talking, etc. The very first day, I was pulled aside and asked if Ben had an "special needs" they need to know about. He absolutely hated it, said he was bored, and refused to go back unless he could just do the music and drama.

This summer I sent him to Cub Scout daycamp. On the 4th of 5 days, the camp counselor told me Ben had been very difficult, wandered off, didn't listen to rules, didn't seem to respect authority. He had also been in several altercations because he had a huge heart for the cicadas that were out this summer and was getting angry at the children for purposefully stepping on them. The kids made fun of him, he got angry. Some of them were even calling him Ben Cicada. Of course I didn't hear anything about this until the 4th day.

Now at soccer, TaeKwonDo, Awana, Cub Scouts...he does fine. I think it's because there is a lot of physical activity and he has respect for the leaders. In those other 2 situations, he didn't know the leadership until he arrived the first day. One thing I have noticed is that Ben doesn't automatically respect authority. He needs a relationship first.

At home, what I see is a child who talks incessantly, is easily distracted and impulsive, needs short lessons, lots of physical activity, and doesn't always seem to listen well, getting distracted by his thoughts. My husband is less than patient with him because he thinks Ben is just not minding, not listening purposefully. When Tom is out of town, honestly, I have few problems with him, because I've figured out what works for him. But Tom cannot or will not follow my suggestions, thinks I'm just making excuses for him, and blames me for Ben's behavior on the weekends when I am working, and Ben is not minding him like he thinks he should.

There is a part of me that is considering having him tested and maybe doing some counseling, to prove to my husband that he has these issues and needs to be parented differently. Tom just punishes him harshly and in my opinion, is not developing a nurturing, trusting relationship with Ben because of it. If we weren't struggling with the parenting issues and differences, I probably would just keep doing things the way I've been doing them. But honestly, I'm sick of the constant torment in my house because he struggles with these issues and Tom just thinks he's being a brat. When I try to discuss it with Tom, his answer is "if you really think he has ADHD, then why aren't you having him seen by a Dr. and put on the right medication?" He does not believe me when I say that we do fine during the week and believes I just let Ben do what he wants and get away with anything he does wrong.

Now the latest major issue we're having is that Ben is lying a lot. Mostly, I think, to avoid the wrath of his father, but sometimes for reasons that seem unclear to me or don't make sense. I think it's just become a habit. But of course now Tom thinks he's mentally ill, because apparently Tom has never told a lie in his life, and certainly not to his mother or father when he was 7 years old. He must be related to Geo. Washington. Not that I don't take lying seriously, I do. And
Ben will be punished appropriately any time I find that he has lied to me. But what I can't get Tom to understand is that perhaps he/we need to be thinking about why he's lying, not just that he's lying. And apparently lying is common in children with ADHD.

More info than you bargained for, huh?

[MicheleStuart]

(((((((((Marcy))))))))))))))))))). Just wanted to say that I'm glad that you are feeling better. So much of what you are saying sounds like Ethan. Have you read The Out of Sync Child? We saw the author in Louisville last year and WOW-totally amazing! Sometimes ADHD and SPD can look like the same thing. We are seeing an OT to help with some of the sensory stuff-E really looks at it as play. Please let me know if I can do anything :):group:
Michele

[Esther-Alabama]

Based on everything you said... I would have my child tested. I would also try and have dh to sit across from a professional and really hear that his son has the need to be parented differently.

My oldest ds has dyslexia. He is bright, wonderfully intelligent and all boy. Dh and I have both been guilty of becoming impatient with ds when he would not spell simple things correctly, write with his chicken-scratch handwriting, or not read correctly things we thought he should be able to. Having the diagnosis made us BOTH feel differently about ds in these areas. We both have expressed that it makes us have more patience with ds and I have a peace about his difficulties now. I know he is not just lazy or not trying or that my teaching is lacking. I also know that with patient, consistent help and nurturing, one day, my ds will spell and write and read well.

Just my 2 cents.

[Essy]

We are kind of going through this now and have decided to go with the testing. I think it will be better for all involved, for us to just know for sure even though we most likely wouldn't go with meds either...in fact I'm not even fully convinced that he has ADD. I've read the Out of Sync Child and my son seems to fit more with the 'sensory seeking' side of SPD.

[Melinda S.]

I think testing can be very helpful to you, your child, and your husband (if he will believe it--many dads don't).

(First, though, about your minor point, so it doesn't get lost in the rest--almost all children DO lie, especially to their parents, and the years between 7 and 10 are the biggest years for this. Do deal with it, of course, but don't forget that it is NORMAL, and bascially everybody does it--with the exception of your dh, my dh for the most part, and a very few others. It's not a sign of "big trouble" or of a "horrible child." It's just a sin that, like others, we need to help our kids get beyond, with Christ's help.)

Back to the main question: :)

Testing can give you a starting point for understanding your child, what things are normal or where he may have more struggles, etc. Eg, could he have sensory integration problems, as well as attentional ones.

It may give treatment options, besides just medication. Eg, could occupational therapy help him write with less difficulty? Would he respond well to a behavior token system (ADHD kids often do; sensory integration kids may not.)

It can help you put together accomodations that will help both you and others. Eg, for many years, I had to tell Sunday school teachers, "please be sure you call her name. If you don't, she will not realize that you are talking to her. When I realized that ADHD kids are typically behind about 2 years in some things (such as emotional development, writing skills, etc) I was able to make my expectations more realistic. I started expecting a 3rd grade writing amount out of my 5th grader--this was one of the best things I ever did for my homeschool. And she progressed FAR faster than 1 year each year, as I had originally hoped for, once I reduced the expectation to a level that she could actually meet. (At the same time, of course, homeschooling lets us find ways to give our kids a lot MORE in areas of their strengths. They don't have to be able to write well to learn advanced science, or whatever.)

It gives you a language to talk to others in, that they are more likely to understand. If you tell people "my child has ADHD. We are working on X, but he's not quite there. It will help if you can give him something to do with his hands, while you are talking," they usually get that.

It lets others know you are aware of what is going on, and are working on it. They aren't left wondering if you need to be "woken up" somehow! Yikes!

It lets our KIDS know they are OK. They don't have to feel stupid about things (though they might, anyways). It lets them see, "OK, I have things that really make this hard for me. I can work with this." Otherwise, they just feel dumb because they can't do what so many seem to do easily. This has been a hard lesson for my dd to learn, and we are still working on it, but it gives us a starting point.

You know, of course, that not everyone will agree, even if you do the testing. There are many who consider such diagnoses to be a cop-out. (I was told by a family member that diagnoses like ADHD and Aspergers don't really exist. They are just caused by bad parenting. Um, thanks. I am clearly a dreadful parent for 1 of my 4 kids, then, but an OK one with the others?!?) This will be extra hard if your dh is not on board. Finding ways to HELP them grow, without allowing it to be an excuse, is important.

At any rate, I am glad for the testing I had done and the many years of thinking about dd that I've had. It has helped us a lot.

[Sue S]

At home, what I see is a child who talks incessantly, is easily distracted and impulsive, needs short lessons, lots of physical activity, and doesn't always seem to listen well, getting distracted by his thoughts. My husband is less than patient with him because he thinks Ben is just not minding, not listening purposefully. When Tom is out of town, honestly, I have few problems with him, because I've figured out what works for him. But Tom cannot or will not follow my suggestions, thinks I'm just making excuses for him, and blames me for Ben's behavior on the weekends when I am working, and Ben is not minding him like he thinks he should.

There is a part of me that is considering having him tested and maybe doing some counseling, to prove to my husband that he has these issues and needs to be parented differently. Tom just punishes him harshly and in my opinion, is not developing a nurturing, trusting relationship with Ben because of it. If we weren't struggling with the parenting issues and differences, I probably would just keep doing things the way I've been doing them. But honestly, I'm sick of the constant torment in my house because he struggles with these issues and Tom just thinks he's being a brat. When I try to discuss it with Tom, his answer is "if you really think he has ADHD, then why aren't you having him seen by a Dr. and put on the right medication?" He does not believe me when I say that we do fine during the week and believes I just let Ben do what he wants and get away with anything he does wrong.




You described exactly what is going on in our home. We don't have insurance, so testing is out of the question right now. Our ped (before we moved) wasn't very helpful either.

Praying for you and your family and that you will get the answers you need :group:

[Robin H in VA]

:group: Marcy

I don't have anything to offer, so sorry. I just sat here and read your post and thought you may be speaking of my 7 yro ds. Wow, I hear what you are saying, because that is the way things are at our house. Even my dh gets frustrated with ds.

DS is my dh only child, so he is not use to having children around and use to what all their NEEDS and Wants are.

I pray that you get your answers and I will be watching the posts, for I too need to figure out what is 'wrong' with our ds.

:group: :group:

[Robin H in VA]

I don't want to hijack Marcy's thread, but HOW does a parent go about getting the testing done? Where does one start?

I have a post about our ds not retaining things, but if this speech teacher finds that ds has nothing 'wrong' with him, what do I do then? I keep hearing the same thing, "we won't really know exactly b/c ds is not in school with other children, he needs to be observed with other kids". What then??

I help this question will help all the other ladies including Marcy with their children too.

:group: Hugs to all of us.

[Jo in PRC]

Marcy,

Just so you know, I think that you are an amazing mom! It sounds to me like maybe the bigger issue isn't so much Ben's behavior (quite a lot of which sounds incredibly normal for his age) but rather your husband's attitude. If that's the case, then I say by all means get Ben tested, so that your husband can get the education/help HE needs. When Anna was first diagnosed, it was a tough time for our marriage, but I can honestly say we've grown much closer together through all this...We spend less time blaming each other for her "issues" and more time working together to create a consistent environment where she can thrive. I'm hoping that this is the start of something great for your family. ~Jo